"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
