I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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