i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize