I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
