I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
