i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
