You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
