wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
