im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
