I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
