East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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