my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
