I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
