matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
