doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize