Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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