I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
