wat bout pragnant strippers??
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
