I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize