we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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