why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
