I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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