Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
