i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
