carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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