4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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