I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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