Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
