I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
