She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
