i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
me + whiskey = a bad person
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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