btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
