Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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