i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
