seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
