I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
