he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
