Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We're not piercing ourselves today.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
