i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
