How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
