Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
