We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
