I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
