You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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