census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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