i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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