my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
