omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
