During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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