coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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