I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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