I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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