Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize