so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I didn't notice because vodka
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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