if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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