My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Randomize
