I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
