that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
