I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize