Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
