What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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