I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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