tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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