You're earring is so big in my mouth
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
