she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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