found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
