She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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