my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
