I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
