My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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