She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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