Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
