So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
