hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
