For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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