My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize