My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
