There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
