I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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