it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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