I am puke
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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