Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
