I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
