This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
