you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
