Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
