I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
