He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
