Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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