I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
