haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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