i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
