I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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